In the end, the children suffer the most

This blog series was created in collaboration with Mikser house
Message22.04.2016Hana
I got up one morning and made my children and husband breakfast. I remember it was very hot, so we decided to stay home. As we had run out of milk, my husband said he would go out to buy it.
Mikser House

I got up one morning and made my children and husband breakfast. I remember it was very hot, so we decided to stay home. As we had run out of milk, my husband said he would go out to buy it. Then he disappeared without a trace. We still do not know what happened to him. After 12 hours, I decided to go looking for him, I called everyone. I do not know if he is dead or if he was captured by terrorists. I went around the neighborhood like a crazy woman, but no one had seen him since that morning. When I called his brother who lives in Germany, he said to wait a bit before I start to panic. The days passed like an eternity, he was nowhere to be found. No one could help me. He is not a person who just disappears like that - his family comes first, so what else can you think other than the worst? 

We always did everything together, he was a family man. I was in charge of the house and he never let me struggle with heavy things. He adored his children. He studied with them, played with them, he taught his son real human values, love.  

A few weeks passed and there still was no sign of him. His brother called and said to pack and come to him in Germany. To leave everything behind? All that we have? House, school, friends, everything... He said that there is no more to search for, that he would come and pick us up, my daughters and son, that we should pack p and go to him, that he would now take care of us.    

     
My daughters are three and seven, and my son is ten. It is very difficult to travel with three children. I cannot to explain anything to them. I cannot even tell them if their father is alive or dead. My son asks non-stop about his dad. In the evening I often notice him crying for him, and I cannot comfort him. What is happening to us is not easy. In difficult times I used to rely on my husband and I often think about what would he say to me.   

Sometimes I wonder why I listened to my brother-in-law and left, even though I know my husband would have agreed with him as he had started to worry about the situation in our country. Children were increasingly disappearing, especially girls being taken from the school classroom. He often talked about how our children will grow up in fear like this, and if he could just provide them a peaceful and secure life.

Because of all of our stories, I know that I made a good decision, but how can I endure all of this, although everyone tells me that the worst is over. I'm worried about the children - will all this leave an effect on them, how much will they suffer? The truth is that back home I could not work, I could not help my family, but what can I do now in a foreign country, without the knowing the language, without anyone anywhere, how do we get to Germany? I cry at night when they go to sleep, I cry from anguish because we have nothing to eat and nowhere to sleep. In Serbia we are treated as people. At least we have a bed, shower, food, clothing. It's humiliating to flee desperate living conditions, and they behave that way to us. It hurts that people behave like animals and that innocent children suffer in the end. When will all this end?