I want to help people

This blog series was created in collaboration with Mikser house
Message13.04.2016Adzap Han
I worked as a translator for NATO. My uncle used to be highly positioned in the military and helped me get this job as I speak four languages. After a year threats began to arrive, and everyday. I had a lot of problems, and could no longer withstand this
Mikser House

I worked as a translator for NATO. My uncle used to be highly positioned in the military and helped me get this job as I speak four languages. After a year threats began to arrive, and everyday. I had a lot of problems, and could no longer withstand this pressure.

My family told me to pack and save myself. Working for NATO, I saw many things, including just how they are. I knew that are no jokes with the Taliban. I knew that the threats were real.    

I started my journey four months ago. In Turkey I had to sleep in the park and I was thinking everything: my life and hopes and expectations. If someone had said that I'd now be running from the Taliban, I would not have believed him. My dream is to go to Germany or to stay here and to find a girl to marry, and start a family.

My family is very important to me, I can rely on them - I have always relied on them. Now I am alone and lost. Everything fell apart and disappeared. I'm young, I know I can handle it, but it is terribly difficult knowing that those closest to you are thousands of kilometers away. I often think that our parents protected us too much, perhaps now I would be more resourceful if they hadn't.

Now I'm completely in the hands of fate, already knowing that I do not have a great future ahead of me. But the past was beautiful. I had a real bed, shower, shoes, my own sweatpants, jacket. Now I have to ask for someone to give me these. I had a cooked lunch every day and I ate with my family, now I eat with strangers who share the same or even worse fate than me.

Hopefully I will again have a place to stay, and that I will achieve something. This feeling that you must always depend on others is horrible. That which I have experienced, I will never forget. The closer we are to our goal, the friendlier the people are. Believe me I did not expect to find such a nice and humane treatment here. I do not have to beg. For days I dreamed of taking a bath, brushing my teeth, shaving - I feel like a new man.

I'm concerned about the consequences of what I went through. I'm afraid to close my eyes sometimes. We are fleeing from war, from the threats, extortion. It hurts, all that I went through. They constantly tell me to be strong, that I am a man, but I cannot ... Only a robot could remain strong after such an experience.

I want to help people. I want to teach children languages and to make a difference. I'll help refugees in Belgrade, and I will see later where my journey will take me. First, I need time to recover, to put away the terrible things I went through, and to decide on my own what to do and where to go. In any case, my calling will be to help others.