What we've been through to get to Europe has been terrible

This blog series was created in collaboration with Mikser house
Message11.04.2016Hamam from Afghanistan
I am a soldier. I worked in the special units for the Government of Afghanistan. I went to school and was a part of our society. I had dreams, plans. I wanted to get married, I wanted to have children, and to make a soccer team. Now I don't even know if I
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I am a soldier. I worked in the special units for the Government of Afghanistan. I went to school and was a part of our society. I had dreams, plans. I wanted to get married, I wanted to have children, and to make a soccer team. Now I don't even know if I will survive.

The Taliban are connected all over the world, and I do not know if I will live through tomorrow. Why? Because I worked in the special units and fought against them. One day they came and said that now I'd work for them, that I'd do whatever they tell me to. That I will die for them if need be. I refused and said that I only work for the Afghan government. Then they came and beat my father, so much so that he barely survived. They tried to get to me through him. I'm on their list so that my life is probably over, but I will try to fight.

You think that you have everything in your hands, you are working, you earn enough to become independent, and then all these dreams come crashing down. It is fortunate that I am young, I'm only 22 so I can catch up on all of that as long as they do not find me. As long as they don't catch me. I know that you don't understand. There is no mercy, they do what they will - but why did they choose me? I sleep with one eye open, but then I think about what my life can be as I constantly have to run. My parents moved, they left our home town because of me.

The threats became very serious and my older brother came and said I had to go, I no longer can live here, that they will not be able to protect me. Take some money and go. When I talk with them, I still question this decision. What we've been through to get to Europe has been terrible. I actually lived through a lot in the army, but what smugglers and certain members of the police are doing is outrageous. Shameful! What is the price of freedom? I keep asking myself ... What is the price for going and living in peace, marrying and preparing to work. We young people are aware that we have been doing what suits them for years. Through social networks we have seen and learned all kinds of things. Previously this was not possible because everything was controlled, but now via the Internet we can find all possible information.

My mother cries every time we talk. She cries, saying that I won't return and that they continue to search for me, that I must find and start another life. Where will I find it I do not know, I do not even know if I will be able to live in peace or if I will constantly be on the run - how much does it mean to them to catch me. I miss my brother terribly, as he is my older brother and my role model. He graduated from college and has a good job, I always looked at him with admiration and now I do not know when the next time will be when I will be able to see him.

Until then, I'll be dreaming about my friends, how we laughed, hung out and sang. I feel that I only have dreams left.